Last Night a DJ Saved My Life...

I know I started this blog with the intents to chronicle my experiences exploring the swing scene... but the past year (heavily due to those who introduced and guided me through swing, and also my awesome roommates who love music like I do) has just been a huge epiphany for me to reset and restore my expectations from life, and swing has been just a mere fraction of the reminders that music takes me up...

A year ago today I was confronted with the single greatest challenge I've ever had to overcome - mental, emotional, financial, even physical. It was at once terrifying and life-changing, corrupting all my successes, corroding my world-view, and damaging every single aspect of my life. What that event was isn't really important; to speak its name is to give it power, and I cannot afford to grant it more opportunity to destroy.

However, I have never been one to wallow in self-pity, and even though it took some time to dust myself off, I stand before you as evidence that I did. I found myself a new home, a new life among people that I knew from an old life that had always supported me in times of need; the music scene.

It has amazed me this past year on the dating circuit; I've been dating almost exclusively online and it seems like everyone there constantly repeats the same mantra - "I'm here because meeting people in bars and clubs sucks". I take issue with that sentiment. I look around my life full of people I am truly blessed to have at my side, and categorizing each of them with where or how I met them, the theme is overwhelming - I met most of them through clubs, raves, bars, parties. Despite those who claim good people exist only outside these realms, it was these people stood by me in times of need. They accepted me when others wouldn't. They meet me with a smile and put a drink in my hand and pull me out to the dancefloor, where we raise our hands together in praise to the only god that has ever brought me true happiness, the almighty beat.

Moving in with the like-minded misfits that I now call home, and meeting dancers in swing and other scenes (through a dancer I met online, even), their addiction to the dancefloor pushed me this year to reevaluate the priorities that I had been setting in my life. What good, really, is the white picket fence 'normal' life without the passion that music has brought me? What sad substitute is a life of filling the downtime between the American Idol seasons with So You Think You Can Dance?

I kept hearing from her - "You're too old for this. Are you going to hang out in _bars_ for the rest of your life?" And you know, I agreed. In ways, it made sense - and I can't fault her for the belief. I too bought into the notion that "adult life" means spending your nights on the couch at home stifling the enraged urge to change the channel off some godawful reality TV show that you hate but she loves, but you have to watch because that space between you on the couch is the only quality time you share anymore. I tried to make it better; I spent thousands on a home theater just to dull the pain, stupidly hoping that hearing every excruciating audio detail of What Not To Wear in reference-class 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround would somehow satiate the burning need to experience music the way I once had.

I, like so many others, went from loving every moment of life searching dancefloor to dancefloor, to waiting to die on leather couches in my own living room over barely passable 'entertainment' packaged for consumption by other passionless Americans in their final care stage of what they call life.

It took an atomic bomb of an event to break me free from that... and from those ashes was reborn - and you bear witness to the new evolution - the me I truly loved. The me who knew HOW to truly love. That love, that passion, has always come from music. The eternal beat that flows through my life, the beat I step to, the melody I dream to, the harmony that I love to.

Last night the crew bounced to Heartthrob at the Middlesex Lounge, and danced among loving friends who want to share these experiences. It, like many other nights among my people in the clubs, was awesome. Uplifting. Soul replenishing. Passion restoring. Life giving. Tonight there's many possible options for more, Thursday is Dara @ Elements, Friday is Switch @ RISE, Saturday is a NinjaTune showcase... my mornings may hurt, but I'm not too old to still make the most of my evenings.

I'm not sure what "settling down" is settling -for-, if it means that music, dance, is out of my life or is relegated to something I must do in private.

I think it's finally clear - for me, that ain't living.